Girl eats porridge, then mauled by bears

A 6 year-old, blonde, girl was mauled by three bears in a cottage just outside of Dark Woods.

Goldilocks Brownstein, the 6 year old daughter of Mary and Joe Brownstein, was on a picnic, when she wandered off into the woods.

Lost, she wandered into a vacant cottage, where she found three very delicious looking bowls of porridge. "The bears were famous for their world-class porridge," says Woodpecker, close friend of the bears. "There was no way that she could resist it."

After eating the smallest bowl of porridge, Goldilocks fell asleep on Baby Bear's bed. Little did she know what was awaiting her.

The Bear family, returning from their family walk, found their door busted open, and Goldilocks sleeping one of their beds. "We really were terrified." said Papa Bear. "In our fear we attacked her. It was sort of like beating a thief with a baseball bat, only we used our teeth."

Goldilocks was taken to the local DW Hospital, and is under critical care. Many of her limbs have been torn up, leaving scars all around her body. Whether or not she will survive, only time will tell.